


Takes One To Know One

by PastPresentFiction



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:28:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28377723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastPresentFiction/pseuds/PastPresentFiction
Summary: Girl meets boy.  Alright, woman meets man, but man happens to be a HELL of a lot like woman.  To the point that it might be a little disconcerting.  Buckle up, boys and girls, this might make for a bumpy fucking ride.
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	1. Meet Cute?

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, here goes the standard warning/thing. I own NOTHING of The Walking Dead genius. I definitely own NOTHING of Negan or the rest... However, I do own the OCs. Please enjoy.

Could a person die of boredom? Was it possible? I was pondering this worrisome conundrum, during a very worrisome time indeed, when I was told by one of the men I kept close by for security that we’d had a breach. FINALLY, I thought, something to end the monotony AND put a pin in my fear that I’d end up a fucking mindless insatiable corpse from the WORST end possible.

“Really?” My eyebrow arched in hope laced incredulity. After all, one reason for the boredom was the fact that my security was just that fucking amazing. “Someone managed to actually BREACH our boundaries?” I contemplated the very idea and where the possible breach happened, where our defenses could be weak.

John, tall, broad shouldered and smouldering John, nodded while looking like he’d love to be squirming under my scrutiny. I didn’t drop my focus, enjoying his discomfort, knowing that it bothered him that someone my size and gender could make him feel so inadequate and also knowing that he would just as easily have me pinned against the wall behind me if I asked him to. “We have him in the cafeteria,” the main area, big enough to keep secure and maintain control while allowing our group to watch the fun.

I’d lucked out when I took over the community college, fences and buildings were in good repair, a little tweaking here and there and we had a perfect place to ride out the ‘end of days’ as our resident doomsdayers kept muttering about. “He wouldn’t stop talking, so Max used some duct tape.” I grinned, Max was nothing if not resourceful.

I got up from the comfortable desk chair that I’d been seated in, the president’s office was mine, it seemed fitting given my role in our group. John stepped back and my smile held as his head dropped slightly in a natural sign of reverence. When he handed me my crowbar, the gauze and fabric taped grip toward me, I took it as gracefully as if he’d handed me an umbrella.

“Thank you, John.” I moved through the open doorway. “Maybe you and I can have a little time alone, later.” I bit my lip when I heard a small moan come from the large man following me, I wondered what Max would want for his ingenuity for use of duct tape in a time of need? Well, John first, then I’d think up something memorable for Max after I had a look see what my pets drug in.

The cafeteria was crowded. The tables pushed aside, since it was that awkward time between meals and the workday was nowhere near finished, but it wasn’t everyday that we had a breach. The crowd parted like the sea had for Moses when my boots met the tiles, knees hit the floor just as fast as I walked past, but my eyes were on Max and Greg, and the lean stranger they held between them.

His eyes were locked on me as I approached, and my smile grew as his dimples peeked at me from the duct tape that Max had been frugal with in keeping him quiet. He wasn’t struggling, in fact, if I didn’t know better I’d say he was exactly where he wanted to be.

  
“Why, Max, it looks like you got me a present,” I stared up at the lanky stranger who stared right back without blinking. “Did you at least ask for a name before you pressed his mute button?” I was holding my weapon of choice loosely, swinging it gently by my hip, an idle gesture, still somewhat bored. His laugh lines were deepening around his eyes, amusement while surrounded wasn’t a normal response in these less than normal times so I was a touch intrigued.

“Megan?” Max and Greg shared a look and both shrugged. “It sounded like Megan or Regan.” I kept them around for usefulness and attractiveness, not necessarily for the depth of their intelligence or memory.

I snorted. “His name is either Megan, like a five year old girl, or Regan, a dead president?” He was shaking his head and rolling his eyes in commiseration with my feeling the need for better minions. I stepped closer and raised my free hand to an edge of the duct tape. “I apologize in advance, but-” with one rip I had the tape off and he didn’t make a sound for a moment, impressing me.

“SHIT!” Or, I thought, I gave credit too soon. “Fuckity fuck fuck.” He pulled an arm free from Max and rubbed his hand across his mouth. “Christ, are my fucking lips still fucking-” I waited for him to get himself under control. Clearly the pain had made him stupid. “Negan.” He bit the word out and I was still staring at him. “My name? You asked, they fucked it up, it’s Negan.”

“I guess that’s better than Megan, and definitely an improvement on Regan.” I nodded to Max and he pulled out the roll of tape. Negan’s eyes widened.

“Wait a minute,” he held the hand he’d pulled free up. “Why don’t we discuss-”

“You’re right, Negan.” He looked pleased and smug. “We should discuss how you breached our perimeter.” John brought me a chair and I sat, laying my clean and nicely balanced crowbar across my lap, my chair was close enough so I could look up at Negan. “Where did you come in?”

While I waited for him to choose what he was planning on telling me, I took in the man before me. Pants, worn but serviceable. Layered shirts, leather jacket, bloodstains, all fairly normal given the current climate. Short hair that was longer on top, scruffy face, also fairly common. Boots, also worn but in good shape given that they had to be several years old. Shrewd eyes, and I had bets on just how silver his tongue could be.

“You have a spot, behind the ag building, near the east edge of the grain garden,” I glanced at Greg and he nodded that he was making a note of it. “If your guards ran on a more regulated schedule, I had them pegged at fifteen minute rotations,” my lip querked. I wasn’t planning on helping him out with a corrected time table. “Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Fuck there found me and here we are.”

I smiled even as John and Max stiffened at their new monikers. “You told me where you came in, but not how you knew our layout.” His expression changed only subtly. “Who sent you?”

“No one sent me,” his head tilted to match mine, and he smiled back. “I just saw your setup here and couldn’t help but want to join.”

“Leave us,” I didn’t raise my voice, I didn’t have to. John told the crowd to get back to work, Max and Greg directed traffic and I kept my eyes on our uninvited guest. Soon it was just me, him, and my three current closest ‘advisors’. “Greg,” smaller than Max or John, was also the stronger of the three. “I think you have a weak spot to look into.” A curt nod and he was on his way. Max moved to stand closer to Negan but I stopped him with a look. “You and John should have a conversation with our current guards, see if anyone’s,” my eyes were still on Negan and he looked far too unconcerned for me to feel serene. “See who’s newest to the list. When they were added, where they came from.” Nothing, not even a twitch. “See if anyone on the guard list has a new friend, same questions.” They left and then it was two.

“You seem pretty confident that you’re safe alone with me,” he was still standing and I was still comfortably seated. “That either means that you are the ULTIMATE badass,” he wasn’t pacing, no, he’d found a place to lean and he looked as at ease as I was. “OR you’re the supreme head of EVERY goddamn thing here.”

“Maybe I’m both,” I crossed my ankles and waited to see what he planned on offering me. Every person who came in wanted to barter. Be it I’ll be this, if you grant me that or back my people in this, and we’ll happily hand you this much of our take in supplies. This world was nothing if not negotiable. “What are you?”

He snorted and stared down at me with something that smacked vaguely of condescension, which I truly hoped he wasn’t stupid enough to employ. “Me?” He bit his lip and his eyes roamed over my small form sitting in the chair that John had brought for me. “I’m YOU.”

I laughed, thinking that he must have gone completely insane during the time since the first corpse rose and started eating people. “You’re me?” I blinked at him, wondering if perhaps he was right and I was overly confident at being alone with him. If he was batshit crazy, even a crowbar to the head might not fucking work. “I think we’re a little too different for that to be plausible.”

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Not literally.” Well that was a relief, he wasn’t completely insane. “I WAS you. I had ALL this. Different time, different place. Different genitals.” I snorted. “Different weapon.” His eyes fell to my lap and my hand curled around the fabric and tape bound handle, tensing slightly. “It’s temporary, all of it, I fell, so will you.”

“That sounds like a threat.” I smiled up at him, thinking if nothing else he was amusing. “Are you thinking that you want another go at leader of a pack, Negan?” He shook his head, but his lips weren’t cooperating, the smirk was lurking, even as he fought it. “You can taste it, can’t you? The power. Having them kneel.” I could see it, he really had had it once, a tiny pinch in his eyes told me more than all the words that his mouth could ever spill. “How long were you the king of your mountain?”

“Fleetingly,” his voice had lost the strength he’d led with, and I went back to carefully studying him. “It wasn’t- Nothing is permanent. Not anymore.”

I wondered what broke him, because something clearly had, even if he still had bursts of something. Something almost magnetic. “And you want to join us?” The disbelief was palpable. “Why?”

His eyes, never far from meeting my own, laser focused on mine and he stopped fighting his lips urge to curl into a smile. “I’m a joiner, and this?” He threw his arms wide and gestured around us. “This is just too good to NOT want to join.”

I snorted again, feeling slightly as if I were turning into a pig. Squinting I leaned forward to stare up into his eyes. He stared back. “How is it your eyes aren’t dark brown?” He raised an eyebrow and I went on. “Since you are clearly so full of fucking shit that it has to be up to your fucking forehead.”

His grin grew, if possible and I was reminded of the Joker from Batman. “Why are you so cynical? I told you, I WAS you, I’m a font of fucking knowledge-” he stopped studying me as he seemed to be puzzling out something. “What the fuck is your name?”

I bit my lip and fought the laugh threatening to bubble out of me. Before I could answer, John was back. “Megan?” I turned to see what he needed and I heard our new recruit give a snort of his own.

“Like a five year old girl, wasn’t it?” I rolled my eyes as John came closer, but my hand twitched on my trusty crowbar when he added, “guess it makes sense since you LOOK like a fucking-”

“I’d be VERY fucking careful with how you finish that sentence, Negan.” I didn’t turn to look at him, I was still waiting for John to tell me whatever he needed to. My tone was clear, watch it, and I wasn’t surprised that he listened. “What is it, John?”

John updated me on the trio’s progress. The breach point was easily found and mended. They were ‘interviewing’ our current group of guards. Since I made it a point to rotate duties, not only guards, but throughout our community this wouldn’t take long, but if I wasn’t satisfied that Negan had just stumbled onto us by some fucking wild coincidence then we might have to widen our net. I listened and considered the next steps I wanted to take, while tossing the interloper into one of our ‘holding areas’ sounded fucking wonderful so I could take a nice relaxing pounding with John, or Max, or Greg, I knew that I’d have to deal with the stress of the mess first.

“Finish the interviews,” I advised, studying the wall across from me as I made up my mind. “Focus on the lonelier females, the ones that seem needier than most. And any of the men who like to play follower more than leader.” John was nodding when I finally looked back at him again. “If no one seems to know who Negan is, then go back to the last rotation. And then another rotation.” Another nod and I sighed. “I guess we won’t get our playtime for awhile, John.” I gave myself a moment to pout and heard a snicker come from the general direction of my newest thorn in my ass. “Back to work.”

“Do you want me to-” John gestured toward Negan’s relaxed and leaning form and I shook my head. “Megan, I can-”

“John, you can do a vast quantity of magical and horrible things, but ONLY if I give the say so.” He flinched at the reminder of our roles in this world. “Now, you have a job, so-” he nodded with a slightly bowed head and I fought a grin at the knowledge that he didn’t want to show any weakness to this new entity. I watched him as he left, wondering how many waves Negan would cause from his very existence.

“Wow,” I turned to see the new bane of my being studying me with the same interest I’d watched John. I waited as his laugh lines and dimples made his charm grow. “You really ARE me.”

“What?” Maybe I should call for John to come back and secure the man, if he kept insisting that we were so damn alike. “Now how are we twinsies?”

“Got yourself a trio of hubbies?” I stared at him in shock, marriage? In this fucking world? “OK, maybe not husbands, but you’re definitely letting them dip their pricks in the company pool.”

I laughed at that. He wasn’t wrong, but damn that euphemism was fucking hilarious and old fashioned. “How old are you, grandpa?” He glared at me. “Pricks and company pool?” I shook my head. “Currently Greg, Max, and John are my ‘advisors’ and they have the added perk of satisfying my EVERY need. So yeah, we fuck. It isn’t poetic, we aren’t married, and I sure as fuck don’t think of them like husbands.”

“What would you do if they decided to dip their dicks in one of those needier than normal females?” He looked so damn smug as though he just KNEW what my answer would be that I nearly tossed something at his head, something heavy and metal based.

“Nothing.” He raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “IF one of the CURRENT three saw someone they wanted to DIP into more than me, then they can do so, and leave their position as advisor behind.” His smile grew like he was proven correct. “What?”

“I’m sure that that ‘advisor’ position comes with more perks than your ear and your-” his eyes roamed my seated body and I nearly felt the fucking heat from it. “Other assets.”

I sat back again, studying him. “Negan, just how do you think things are run around here?”


	2. One on One

Negan’s smirk bothered me, but not enough to make his life forfeit. Not yet, at least. He was smug, and seemed to think he knew me and my community, but I couldn’t decide if he was delusional or if he had insider information.

“Well?” I prodded, still seated as he stared down at me. “Enlighten me on just how you think this place runs.” I got comfortable, thinking he was going to tell me a nice tale of the inner workings of my group.

“Do you mind?” He gestured to a stack of chairs nearby and I shrugged to show he could take one. Once he had one down and placed directly in front of me he sighed. “Feels like I’ve been on my feet for fucking days.” Now that we were more level, I could really see how tired he looked, the laugh lines were shadowed by darkness that came from restlessness brought on by a lack of safety that came from solitary travel during uncertain times. He scrubbed his face with one long fingered hand and shook it off as much as he could. Licking his lips, I considered calling for someone to bring us something to drink, but wanted to wait it out. Hospitality came after intel. A huff of breath and his eyes locked on mine again. “You want to know how I think this place runs?” A small tilt was all the confirmation he got, but his smirk remained. “Alright, tell me how close I get.” Another tilt, noncommittal, but I was curious. “First of all, your ‘advisors’ are the ones that you find the most convenient for your needs. They are either the strongest and smartest, or they were the men of the strongest and smartest women.” I snorted at the idea that I had to use a tactic like taking someone’s man from them to keep them in line. “Maybe it’s the need to be with the head bitch that makes them find you so fucking irresistible.” His eyes roamed over me from top to bottom, what he could see while I was seated anyway, and he bit his lip. “Not that you need to be the head of the pack to get noticed.”

“Was that a compliment?” I smiled and crossed my ankles. “Cause that sounded suspiciously like a compliment.”

His smirk was a grin, and the gleam of his teeth made me think that he wasn’t teasing about his own prowess. “I bet you eat that shit up with a spoon, the bowing and scraping,” I rolled my eyes. “You don’t even blink when they hit their knees.” His eyes were on mine again and I waited. “Neither did I.” He leaned forward and I was surprised by the heat coming off of him that I hadn’t noticed when I pulled the duct tape from his mouth. “That’s half the fun, isn’t it? Not paying them a second of attention when they seem to fucking yearn for it.” He looked like he was savoring a memory, and he was, I realized. “Back to my story, since you haven’t interrupted, I’m guessing I’m close.” I shrugged, he wasn’t far off. “Everyone has a job, everyone has a purpose here. And since you have limited supplies, that means that those jobs have earnings, points or stipends that go toward supplies and food.”

“You think that my people work for their room and board?” He nodded. “Close, but when you say everyone has a job, do you mean ONE job per person?” Another nod. “Oh, Negan, how short sighted you are.” I stood up and let my crowbar swing loosely at my hip. “Come on, you can’t have inside information because that’s so fucking far off the truth that-” I shook my head. “Either you stumbled on us, or some other group did and sent you, which I figure you’ll get around to the bartering portion of your stay eventually, but either way, I think I can trust you enough to not bash your head in just yet.”

“You really think you could take me,” he stood up, a good foot and a bit taller than me and I smiled confidently up at him. “You’re the tiniest thing I’ve come across that isn’t actually a child.”

I leaned closer and he bent his head down a touch so we were almost touching. “That’s my secret weapon. I LOOK like I couldn’t hurt a fly, so when I flat out destroy a person, it comes as a shock and a message to whomever came along for the ride with them.” I stepped back with my smile still firmly in place. “Now, ready for the tour and the TRUE tale of how my little group works?”

He was staring at me with a newfound respect and this time it was a nod from him that told me yes. I started toward the kitchen, where I knew a rotation of our group was preparing the next meal, it was the closest area and the best starting point.

I took Negan through the entire grounds, playing a careful game of telephone with the group so John, Max, and Greg would know where to find me if they wound up their own duties and were feeling antsy.

“You have a stockpile of foods?” We were in the area off the kitchens, that we’d turned into a canning room that we managed to fill with canned vegetables and fruits thanks to the agriculture areas of the campus. Runs early on had gotten us enough canning jars and equipment, and doomsdayers along with rural families knew enough to go with it from there. We also learned how to make jerky from the meat of any animals we hunted, along with other ways, aside from refrigeration to preserve meats and foods. Just in case the generators or the solar panels ran into issues. Add in the other runs bounties, and we had a shit ton of stock.

“Not just food,” I told him, then as the tour went on, he saw the truth of those words. We had medicine, not only human and animal, but also holistic and shit we learned to create on our own. We had clothing and shoes, we had pretty much anything you could think of along with the makings for more, simply because the school had things in play before the world went to hell in a handbasket and because our group did runs that were more focused than smash and grab.

We were back in my office, the door open, with Negan seated in one of the visitor chairs while I was back in my homey seat before I finally explained to him the true story of our community.

“The rules here are simple, Negan.” I said, putting my weapon down in front of me. “Everyone learns EVERY job, no matter their preference or their abilities. This way if there’s an illness or a spot empty, anyone can fill it. No searching, not worrying, just ‘hey, pop there and fill in’.” He was staring at me like he was truly interested. “No points, no scorecard, no stipends. People eat and drink with the understanding that we all have a share, because we all play a part.”

  
“Your part is?” He was staring at me with the same question that every newcomer did after the tour and the shellshock wore off.

“John only addressed me by my first name, and everyone else here pretty much does too, it’s easier and honestly less formal works best right now.” He was waiting. “I’m a doctor, a medical doctor who came to this college to talk the two year students into opening their horizons and thinking bigger.” I could still see the assignment that I accepted to come to the small college, a two week gig to talk up being an MD, how hard could it be? “The next thing I knew, I was in the medical clinic beating down patient zero who ate their doctor and nurses.”

“How did you end up-” he waved at my spot behind the desk and I chuckled.

“Beats paying off my student loans.” I shrugged, but could see he wasn’t going to let it go. “I watched the school’s president and dean fuck up so many decisions. I mean honestly, they nearly got half the student body turned within days, so it was do or die. And I didn’t want to fucking die.” Another shrug only this time he accepted it, a nod and a look in his eye that I knew because I saw it in my own in the mirror. “I still take care of anybody who gets injured or sick, and I’ve delivered every baby that has been born since day one of the shitstorm.”

“Do you take a turn at the other jobs?” He was really interested in if I knew how to do everything that needed to be done, poor guy.

“I do if someone’s needed to fill a spot and I’m there,” I smiled. “I wash toilets and clothes, Negan, my hands are no better than anyone who kneels for me, I like to think that’s why they kneel.”

He sat back as a soft knock came to the open door frame. I looked up and smiled wider. “Mimi,” the older woman was carrying a tray laden with enough for two. “You didn’t have to bring that up, we would have come down soon.”

“You’ve been running around all afternoon,” she admonished me with a motherly click of her tongue. “Least I could do was bring this up. This the one that’s got everyone talking?” She turned to study Negan and I watched her as she took in the new entity. “Looks like he could use a good meal, a long shower, new clothes, and a nice long sleep.”

“That your expert opinion, Mimi?” I asked as I started arranging the meal and drinks on the desktop.

“I have another one,” she turned to me with a raised eyebrow and I stared at her. “But I think I’ll share it when you and I have a moment alone.” Pointed and earnest I could have groaned. Mimi hated that I was ‘fast and loose’ with my advisors, so I could only imagine what her opinion would be now.

“I can’t wait,” my tone was as dry as my mouth, after the long tour and conversation. “This looks amazing, thank you.” I couldn’t be mean to her, not even when I knew a verbal spanking was coming soon.

“You’re welcome,” she brushed my hair from my face. “Now eat it before it’s so cold it only LOOKS amazing. I’ll send someone up for the tray.” She turned back to Negan. “If this isn’t enough, have her call down for more, do you understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He smiled and I knew she was being charmed. “Thank you, it does look wonderful.”

Mimi sniffed. “The way you look, I imagine a lukewarm squirrel that died of natural causes would look wonderful.” Then she sighed. “Thank you, eat up.” She shook her head as she took in his thin figure and walked back out the open doorway.

I was chuckling as I gestured for Negan to push his chair closer. “That’s Mimi, she’s the resident mother hen, eat before she force feeds you.”

“And bathes me, clothes me, and puts me to bed?” He was grinning as he took his first bite and I felt my own grin grow as he moaned around it. “My god this is fucking delicious.”

“Yeah, and this is one of our slow days, food wise.” He looked up for more information as I took a bite and chewed carefully. Once I swallowed I explained. “We don’t go full on frugal, but we don’t feast like kings every day either. This is like what you’d call a soup and sandwich day back when we had better options.”

“Tastes better than any soup and sandwich I remember,” he sighed as he tucked back into his meal.

“Yeah, I know,” I smiled, eating through my own serving.


	3. Settling In

Negan ate his fill, and what I couldn’t finish of my own. I offered to call for more, but he refused the offer. 

“Well, you can’t refuse me everything,” his eyes widened and so did his smile, but I rolled my eyes and took up a walkie talkie I had tucked in a drawer. Batteries, even the rechargeable ones we used, were sparse so we used this form of communication sparingly. Calling down to the laundry and getting an affirmative that they heard me, I asked for a full change of clothing, eyeing the lanky man sitting comfortably in front of me. “Yes, skin out,” I smiled as Becca repeated my orders back, confirming the order before asking if she should have a toiletry set gathered as well. “That would be great, and-” I stopped and tilted my head as I bit my lip, shaking my head. I had to admit there was ONE thing I would be at a loss to guess the size of his outfit. “Shoe size?” He gave me a size and I told Becca. “Have Greg or Max bring those up, please?”

Once I’d signed off, tucked the walkie back into the drawer once it was put in standby mode, I gathered our dishes. “Does this mean I won’t be spending the night in the clink?” I chuckled. 

“We don’t really have a jail,” I shrugged. “If we don’t trust you, you die or you get put back outside the gates.” Either way was a pretty permanent end. “You won’t have free reign,” I warned, in case he got the urge to go for a stroll during the dark hours. “But you will be in the same wing as my advisors.”

“And you?” Another shake of my head as I piled everything on the tray. “You don’t stay in the same area as your ‘advisors’?” 

Licking my lip I looked up to see that he was studying me. “I wasn’t disagreeing with you, I was thinking that you’re incorrigible.” Handing him the tray, I picked up my weapon and nodded toward the door. “Yes, we share the same wing. Everyone has their own space, you’ll have your own room, but I don’t think wandering is in your best interest.” He carried the tray while we moved back down to the cafeteria where the second shift of dinner was being served. 

When we came into the room, no one kneeled, it wasn’t required during meals. But a few of the little ones did stop eating to come hug my knees as Negan moved toward the kitchen to return the dishes. When he turned back he saw me surrounded by tiny people who were telling me all the things they were learning in school. 

“Your ABCs sound amazing, Abigail,” I rustled the redhead’s curls as she smiled up at me with a huge gap where she’d recently lost her second front tooth. “Even with that missing tooth.” The blond haired, blue eyed boy who was tugging at my free hand, demanding attention had Negan grinning at the sight. “Yes, Caleb?” 

“Who’s that?” His eyes focused on Negan, far filthier than even our current gardening group and I knelt down beside the little one to whisper in his ear. 

“He’s not scary, I promise.” Caleb’s hand was tight on my fingers and he nodded as I reassured him of his safety. “If he makes one bad move, we’ll make sure he doesn’t make another, alright?” 

“OK, Meg,” he turned and kissed my cheek then hugged me tight around my neck. Then the others gave me hugs in turn before returning to their dinners before they grew cold. I was smiling at how normal and simple it seemed, the kids and their happiness, before returning to our newest member.

“Come on,” I turned back to take him toward the living quarters, back upstairs but on the opposite side of the building, where I had taken residence and John, Greg, and Max all had rooms. “One of the guys will bring up your things, well your newer things, but I can give you the tour of your space.” Negan didn’t find it difficult to keep pace with me, his legs were longer than mine by miles, but he also didn’t make it seem like he was doing me a favor either. “There are more rooms than we use, all over the grounds honestly, but that’s because people make bad choices.”

He snorted, and I knew he understood. “Even with the young ones coming fast and furious?” 

“I guess you noticed that we have a few more buns in some ovens,” I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. “Yeah, while we have our fair share of idiots, we also have good people who understand that we’re fucking lucky as hell. They take advantage of our safety and our abundance of supplies and life keeps coming.” 

“How bad is the mortality rate?” I sighed. Even before the world went to shit, maternal and infant mortality wasn’t great, but now? “That good?”

“It’s actually about the same as before,” I bit my lip and thought about how hard I was working to figure out how to work past it, to end up with mother and baby every single time, healthy and happy. “Thousands of years of evolution and we have NEVER figured out how to make it safer.” I was shaking my head when we came to the hallway that the men had claimed for their own. “Here we are, the testosterone territory.” Negan chuckled as I pointed out their rooms, separated by at least one other room between each, and with plenty of extras available. “Any preference?” 

“You letting me pick?” I could tell he thought it was a test of some sort, but I shrugged. Why did I care, I didn’t live on this stretch of corridor. Negan studied the rooms that were available and I watched him, considering each from his point of view, as if it were my own in his place. I’d pass by the ones occupied by the other three men, which he did without so much as a pause. While it would be tempting to pick the room nearest the entrance of the hallway or the one at end, that would also poise you to be the first or last in the line of defense and make you on edge or on watch, personally. The bathrooms were joint, every two rooms shared, which was another reason the three men who lived along the path didn’t live close together, so I’d pick a room that wasn’t shared with one of them on that basis as well. 

In the end he chose a room somewhat midway down the hallway, with no one to share his bathroom with, where he could see both entrance and exit. A room I would have felt as comfortable in as I thought he would. 

“Each room has two twin beds, since they were set up for college students, so you can push them together to have a bigger one.” I offered, walking in to show him around. “A desk, a chair, the usual. The bedding is clean, but if it needs to be aired, just take it off and we can walk it down to the laundry tomorrow.”

“Are you gonna be my babysitter, Megan?” I rolled my eyes again. “Don’t think I EVER had a babysitter that looked like you-”

“Hey,” John’s head popped around the doorframe and I turned to see him glancing around the room as if he was expecting to find me naked and Negan doing who knew what. “Greg’s bringing up the bath shit, but here-” He came in with a load of clothes and a pair of newer boots. “Becca asked me to bring these up when I happened by.” He set them down on the nearest bed, careful not to toss them or show aggression, since he knew I wouldn’t appreciate it with Negan being given a room so close to the three of them. “I should hit the shower.” His eyes met mine and I nodded. A clean John was a far more appreciated John. “I’ll find you-”

“Later.” I promised, and his face, so serious when he came in with Negan’s new clothes broke into a smile that could light up a room. He left and Negan’s soft laugh reminded me of our audience. “As I was saying,” I went on, flipping the light switch beside the open door. “You have electricity, no limits, but we’re on solar and we try not to go nuts with any of our shit.”

“Just gonna pretend like your boy there didn’t rush off to wash his nuts so he could fuck you senseless later for a reward?” I leaned against the wall and waited for him to get whatever he needed to off his chest. “Damn, was I that fucking-”

“Are you finished?” I had shit to do before John could come claim his prize, as it were, and the tour of Negan’s room was taking longer than I planned. He’d stopped talking so I went on. “The bathroom has the same ‘rules’, water’s hot and it’s safe, but we try not to go for the hours long showers or baths.” He was staring at me and I moved on. “Your toiletries will have soap, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, and washing cloth, plus a towel. Toilet paper or what amounts for it is in the room there, and while we all pitch in, your rooms are YOUR responsibility. You clean up after yourself. I’ll show you the ropes for that tomorrow, while I’m babysitting you.” I turned to go, but I stopped for a moment. “I really hope that you aren’t here to try something stupid, Negan, cause it would suck balls to have to kill the male version of myself.” 

“I don’t get to see where the much hotter version of myself sleeps?” He shot back as I walked out his door, I didn’t answer, just laughed as I shook my head and left him to figure out how he planned on making his new room his own.

I was still amused when I got to my rooms. Negan was an interesting distraction so far, I’d give him that. And I hadn’t been completely teasing when I told him that I hoped he wasn’t holding some sort of dual purpose that would make his life forfeit. Taking down my hair and brushing out the kinks that came from keeping it piled up during the day so I could relax my scalp and change into something a little more comfortable for John to take off of me, I thought about what I could allow Negan to ask for without having his brain matter ruin my boots. 

If he was lying and was a member of another group, a group that needed to barter supplies or wanted to merge, we could negotiate, possibly. I considered our vacant spaces and our surplus of supplies along with our greenhouses and our gardens, not to mention our livestock. I had a number, population wise that would be workable. While I hated lying, this new world of ours seemed to make it necessary. 

I knew there was a slight chance that he wanted my place at the top, that he was a true threat to me and mine, but something told me that if Negan wanted to reign supreme he wouldn’t be subtle. He’d come in and take what he wanted, but then again, he might be subtle and use that charisma that I’d seen peeking out during our time together. I didn’t have plans to let him run rampant and free, at least not until I could feel him out better. He could shadow me for a while, at least until I had a better idea of what his plans were.

I changed out of my functional and day clothes into a nightie that was anything but battle ready. Black, satin and lace, it came to just above my knees with thin straps and hinting at the curve of my breasts, I shook out my long loose hair and flexed my bare feet on the soft rug that the former resident had left behind. I was pouring a drink when the sound of John’s knuckles against my door announced his arrival and I sighed, thinking that at least now I could have some enjoyable distraction.

John had gone back to his room, pouting once again that I wasn’t willing to let him spend the night, but I liked to sleep alone. And I had explained to him, and the other two, that our situation wasn’t love or a relationship in the traditional sense. It was a mutual agreement. If John, or Greg, or Max wanted more then they could go find it. Somewhere else. 

I was back in the nightie, pouring a second drink, when another knock came to the door. I sighed heavily. John had done a marvelous job of relaxing me, but I knew that Max expected his own fair share of reward and Greg probably thought he’d get his own ‘gold star’ as it were. Dealing with another needy male ego wasn’t something I looked forward to, but ignoring the knock would only lead to something more unpleasant.

Taking my drink with me, I opened the door fully prepared to tell whoever waited on the other side that I was far too tired to play another round of praise for the good boy, but when I opened the door I came up shorter than usual. 

His eyes were crinkled with mirth, and he bit his lip as he took in the black satin that barely covered me. Negan, leaning against my door frame as if he did it every night, smelling like soap and mint and looking like he was hungrier than he had been during dinner. 

“Is that hooch?” His eyes landed on the glass in my hand and I shook my head and huffed out a breath. “Damn, you really do have everything here, don’t you?”


	4. Challenge or Dare?

“I guess you want to come in?” I stood back, thinking it was easier to let him in than argue. It helped that I really was so relaxed that the second drink was probably more than I needed. “Here, have it.” I handed the glass to him as he moved past me. “I already had enough.” His fingers brushed mine as he took the glass and I closed the door behind him. “To what do I owe this visit?”

He took a long appreciative sip from the glass and closed his eyes as the burn hit his throat. “Shit it has been a LONG time since I tasted anything this smooth.” He was licking his lips when his eyes opened to find me sitting on the leather sofa in front of the windows. Negan’s smile grew as he looked around. I only had the table lamps on, so the light was dim, soft. I gestured at one of the two chairs positioned across from my couch and he took one, crossing his long leg over one knee. “Nice digs.”

“Did you really just come to take a peek at my rooms?” I settled into the sofa, getting comfortable since it appeared I was going to have a prolonged visit. I pulled my legs up to curl under me, knowing that it caused my nightie to raise up my hips a bit, but not caring since I was in my room after all. His eyes followed the movement as he took another sip from the glass, he was savoring the liquor and I appreciated his subtlety with the luxury. “Or on the off chance I had some booze on hand?”

He was smiling around the rim of the glass and it held when he lowered it. His tongue flicked out to catch a tiny drip of alcohol and I couldn’t help from focusing on it. “I find it hard to sleep the first night in a new place.” I studied him as he held the glass between both his hands, rolling it while our eyes seemed to lock together. “Think you might know something about that.” A tilt of my head and he bit his lip. “It’s so damn quiet in this building, hell, I couldn’t hardly hear the moans and screaming coming from these rooms. It's so well insulated.”

I chuckled. “Is that your way of hinting that I’m loud?” One of the night gown’s straps slipped from my shoulder and I pulled it back into place, watching as his eyes followed my fingers. “Should I apologize?”

He shook his head. “Only if you don’t let me join the advisors.” It was my turn to shake my head. “I’m telling you, I have a shit ton of experience, Megan. I know what it takes to keep from losing all this.”

“Didn’t you say you lost yours?” I sighed. “Men don’t breach our boundaries and end up in my bed, Negan, at least not within hours.” He was smirking and taking another sip. “You really think you’re that damn special, don’t you?”

“Take me for a spin, baby girl, and I PROMISE you, it won’t fucking matter how insulated these walls are. Every fucking man, woman, and child on this campus is going to need a cigarette after.” I raised an eyebrow at his cockiness. “What’s wrong? Scared?”

“Are you really daring me?” I knew my eyebrow was almost at my hairline at this point, but honestly I had never met anyone this fucking arrogant in my fucking life. “Why would I need you, when I have-”

“Three assholes who can barely keep up,” he filled in, sitting his now empty glass down on the low table between us. “Admit it, they can’t keep up with you, that’s why there’s three of them and one of you. It’s why you aren’t committing to any of them and why you could give a shit if they decide to dip their wicks in some new inkpot.” I snorted at his analogy. “I had a higher count, Megan, and a different reason, but it amounts to the same shit. They didn’t match me, not really.”

“And you think, what?” I could feel the call of my bed, for sleep, but I wanted him to finish his pitch before I kicked him out. “That you and I are- What precisely?”

“No fucking clue, Megan, but I know we owe it to ourselves to give it a spin.” He sat back, as relaxed as I felt. “What do we have to lose? One go, and if there’s no spark, then I play whatever role you choose for me.”

“And if there is a spark?” I had to know all parts of his proposition before I could decide.

He leaned forward, his eyes growing darker the closer he got. “Oh, sweetheart, if there’s a fucking spark then we are gonna be un-fucking-stoppable together.”


	5. Saying Goodnight

Negan’s eyes, darker than they’d been when I first saw him with his mouth duct taped while he stood between Greg and Max, stayed locked on mine. He was so damn sure of himself that I could see how easily it must have been for him to reign supreme. Confidence, in his virility and his own charisma, rolled off of him in potent waves and nearly knocked me over. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to at least play in his paddling pool. 

Shit, now he had ME making the analogies. “It’s late,” he didn’t move, so I shook my head and tried again. “It’s late and I’m tired.” 

“Do you really want me to leave?” His head tilted and he studied me while I mirrored him. His lips quirked and he worried at the fullness of the lower one with his teeth. “Come on, Megan, aren’t you even a tiny bit curious?” 

“I’m a heaping shit ton of exhausted, Negan.” I stood up and his eyes slid up my body on the slowest tour I think I’d ever seen anyone take. “You shouldn’t walk back alone, and I am NOT in the mood to throw anything else on to walk you back-” He looked like he’d won his argument, but I wasn’t finished. “I’ll grab you a blanket and pillow, the sofa is pretty comfortable.” I started to head toward my bedroom, but he stood up and blocked my path forward. “What?” I had to tip my head back, he was so damn tall, to be able to see his face looking down at me. 

Negan’s hand reached out to slide the strap of my nightie back into place, I hadn’t even felt it slip off my shoulder, but the scrape of his calloused fingers on my skin and the warmth of him caused me to involuntarily swallow down a rush that his dare hadn’t managed to create, but his touch did. “There, no chance of your slip slipping off and tempting me further.” His fingers weren’t in a hurry to leave my skin, however, and he seemed content to tease along my shoulder and upper arm. “You know I can take care of myself, Megan, walking back won’t kill me.” 

“No,” I was happy to hear my voice come out without a hint of the breathlessness I was feeling inside. “But Greg or Max might.” I rolled my eyes at the thought of my overeager advisors. “I haven’t had a chance to sit down and explain-” Hell, even I didn’t know how to explain Negan and his role, since I hadn’t fully decided what it would be. “Everyone is more trigger happy now, it’s safer if you sleep here and I can figure the rest out in the morning.” 

“The rest?” His fingers were still dancing along my bare skin, making it far more difficult than I cared to admit to focus on what I was trying to focus on. “You mean whether or not you plan on giving me a tryout?” 

I shook my head, either to shake loose my brain from the sleep that was urging me toward bed or to break free from whatever spell Negan was managing to create with his voice and fingertips. “Let me get that pillow and blanket.” Breaking contact by sidestepping him finally, I moved to my room and grabbed one of my pillows and the extra cover I kept in case I got chilly during the night. When I went back to the main room, he was pulling off the top shirt he wore and I cleared my throat to warn him I returned. “Here you go,” I tossed my burden onto the sofa and started to go back, but his hand touched my elbow and forced me to confront him again. “What is it?”

“Don’t I get a goodnight kiss?” His eyes flicked to my lips and I thought about saying no, denying him and this pull that he was trying for from the get go seemed like a good idea. Something about Negan, about his repeated reminders that we were so damn similar made me think that he might be right, and if that were true then I knew that he’d keep pushing and pressing. Because I was nothing if not focused when I had a goal. And Negan’s goal was this for now. 

I nodded my agreement, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to NOT sound breathless this time and his hand moved from my elbow to cup my chin and tilt my face slightly. The first brush of his lips counted as his bedtime kiss, for me at least, but not for Negan. 

He wanted a REAL goodnight kiss, and he was going for a full course. That simple brush he started with was an hors d'oeuvre, the pressure of his lips that came next could be considered the soup course. When his tongue teased at my closed lips, I knew that we’d come to the appetizer. I opened my mouth to argue that he’d had his goodnight, but he took the opportunity to indulge and I lost track of the rest of the meal. My head was on the pillow I’d brought him, his hands were sliding over the satin of my nightgown, and mine were tightly clutching his head to mine. 

He pulled back, hovering over me as I lay on the same sofa I’d sat on moments earlier while he tempted me to see if we had a spark, and he looked as shocked as I felt. “I’d say ‘told you so’, but I didn’t expect this.” He was breathing hard, and I was having my own issues with catching my breath. “Fuck, Megan, that was ONE kiss.”

I swallowed again, trying to find words, any word to put a pin in this, whatever it was. “It was a goodnight, Negan.” That worked, fucking lie that it was. “Let me up and you can get some rest.” He stared down at me and I fully expected him to call me on my utter bullshit, but he just sighed and rolled toward the back of the couch so I could slide out from under him. “I have appointments in the morning, if you want to sleep in, you can, but I-”

“Just poke me if I’m not up,” he offered, pulling the blanket free and covering himself after punching the pillow into submission. “Goodnight, Megan.” 

“Night, Negan.” I clicked off the lamps as I made my way to my bed. I wanted him to let me go to bed alone, to leave me be. Why did I feel so damn miserable when I crawled into bed alone then?


	6. Wake Up And Smell the...

I’d been exhausted when I answered my door to Negan’s tall, relaxed self, but by the time I actually got into my bed I was keyed up enough to make sleep problematic. 

It was ONE kiss for Christ’s sake, ONE fucking kiss. I smacked my pillow into a more comfortable form and rolled my head until I felt something akin to relaxation. My entire body felt like it was a live wire. All the pleasant tiredness that John had created with his body on mine was gone and I was awake, fully. 

Laying on my back, staring up into the darkness where the ceiling would be high above me, I thought about what Negan had said, taunted, offered, dared. John, Greg, and Max were the current advisors, there’d been others, a sticking point between me and Mimi. I sighed, dramatically and far louder than I normally allowed myself, at the reminder of the woman who considered herself my very own Jiminy Cricket. Sometimes less than three, sometimes more than three, it depended on my mood and the availability of worthy advisors. And every few months Mimi would take me aside, gesture to the many pregnant women that I was treating and preparing for motherhood, and remind me that I was wasting my fertile years by fucking around with men I had no intention of settling down and creating my own family with. 

Fighting down a groan, trying to remember every meditative tactic that I’d heard and learned to help force sleep to come over the years, I fought against thinking about how his lips felt on mine. Or his fingers and hands- SHIT. Not fucking helping, Megan. 

What was the easiest way to get to sleep when I had a long fucking day ahead of me and no urge to close my eyes? I focused on relaxing each part of my body individually, from my toes up and by the time I got to my fingers, I finally drifted off.

My internal clock didn’t let me sleep in, regardless of how little sleep I might have actually gotten. A hot shower, followed by a silent pep talk in front of my bathroom mirror while I brushed my teeth and braided my hair, and I was ready to face Negan and the day. With my normal clothes on place and my boots on, I opened the door separating my bedroom and bathroom from the living area and realized he wasn’t having the same issues with sleeping. 

Flat on his back, arm tucked under his head with my pillow bunched up between to add cushion, he’d pushed the blanket low on his hips, his t-shirt riding up and his shorts riding down because I could see the pants he’d been given were folded on the coffee table along with his overshirt. Negan looked completely different relaxed in sleep. His laugh lines were smoothed out, the dimples gone, in fact he looked almost innocent, and far more dangerous because of it. 

I was tempted to let him sleep, he’d looked so tired and worn from however long he’d been on his own before he managed to get within our boundaries, but I knew that neither of us would find that decision completely agreeable as the day wore on. 

“Negan,” I called as I got closer, out of reach, since I hadn’t been blowing smoke up anyone’s ass when I said we were all more trigger happy now. “NEGAN!” He jerked awake, blinking and coming fully aware far faster than most people could, even in the current circumstances. “Consider that your wake up call.” I sat down in the chair he’d taken the night before, watching him as he sat up and ran a hand over his slightly scruffier face. “You look a little more rested than you did yesterday.” I offered, and he smiled as his eyes finally met mine. 

“Yeah, well, must have been that night cap,” his smile seemed to fucking grow as I sat staring at him and I realized that it was because I was staring at him. Fuck. “You said you had appointments today?”

“Resident doctor, so I have to make sure my people are healthy,” I stood up and picked up the glass we both drank from. Moving to the makeshift bar area, I put it with the other three glasses I kept on hand, promising myself I’d wash it when I got back later on. “I have to sit down with Max, Greg, and John-”

“Guess you and Johnny-boy didn’t take a second to hash out my place in the lay of the land,” I shook my head, back still to him because facing him didn’t exactly help me think things through. “Do I get to sit in on this meeting or am I-”

“Are you what, Negan?” I turned, finally, and was happy to see he dressed fast. “I have to sit down with my advisors to discuss the fact that you’re here and you’re staying. Since you don’t seem to be here to barter for another group?” I waited and he shook his head, even though a shadow of something crossed his face that I wanted to explore later. “They need to know, so they don’t accidentally murder you when you roam.”

“You mean when I come visit you,” he’d folded the blanket and set it on top of my pillow and sat down beside it on the sofa. “I don’t think I want to ‘roam’ anywhere else, Megan.”

“Didn’t you say you had a larger group of- wives weren’t they?” I sighed, and took my spot in the chair again. We had time, since we would be grabbing breakfast before heading to the clinic. “How can you be so damn sure that I’m all you’re going to need?”

I didn’t think his smile could get brighter or bigger, but I was proven wrong. “Pretty fucking sure you were with me last night, Megan, but I am more than open to a repeat trial to remind us both of that fucking kiss.” His eyebrow rose and I swallowed down the rush his reminder created. “I never felt half of that with any of them, and I’d lay odds that you haven’t felt it with any of your ‘advisors’ either.” 

I shook my head, certain this was my new fucking go to gesture. “I can’t decide if you’re chock full of cockiness or if you’re so damn sure of yourself because you’re batshit insane.” Licking my lips and clearing my throat I decided that those were questions for another time, after breakfast at least. “We should get moving, grab something to eat so I can start checking on my patients and then hear what Mimi wanted to talk to me about.” As if I didn’t already know, I stood up and grabbed my crowbar as I moved out the door, knowing that Negan was right behind me.


	7. A Day In The Life...

Breakfast was a grab and go affair. It was simple to nab a muffin and swipe some fruit preserves on top and some juice, coffee, milk or water and out the door and on our way we went. I moved at a clip, not as slow as one might assume my short legs would go, thanks in part to my stint in the ER during my residency. Negan had no issues keeping up, but I knew that he was no doubt as surprised as most people were by my momentum. 

“Didn’t you need to talk to Mimi?” I’d nodded to her on our way through the kitchen and she’d given me a look that reminded me, too. “Postponing it for later?” I bit into my muffin to keep from answering HIM, and he chuckled. “Maybe we’re not as alike as I thought,” he was baiting me, I knew it, but I kept chewing. “I face my shit head on, guess you prefer to dodge yours.” I swallowed, but chose to ignore him, knowing even as I did it, that I was proving his point, but fuck him. 

The clinic wasn’t far from the cafeteria since like most college campuses this one was built around the quad and then grew outward. I unlocked the door with my key and flipped on the lights. Almost half my day was spent in the clinic, with a few trainees and one EMT trained couple who would take over for the evening shift. Overnight it was closed, with the understanding that if trouble arose, I could be woke up or Joe and Raine. 

My muffin was finished, my juice and water found a safe spot on my desk, while I pulled my white coat over my clothes and grabbed my stethoscope. The crowbar was within reach, but out of sight during clinic hours, since most of my patients were nervous enough if their visit was for more than a simple check up. 

Negan watched while I prepared for the day. Wiping down everything to sterilize the exam rooms, beds, and honestly every surface because I was a tad bit OCD where cleanliness was concerned. Raine was always good about pulling charts and files for the checkups that were scheduled for the day following her locking up, so they were waiting for me to go through in the small file holder on my desk. 

Before I pulled any of them toward me, I opened a drawer in one of the larger cabinets and pulled a new chart out. He hadn’t taken a seat, preferring to lean against the wall as he finished his own breakfast while watching me prep the office. I crooked my finger and led him to a newly cleaned exam room. His eyebrow raised as I patted the bed. 

“Every single person in this community has a chart, Negan, and you are a joiner, aren’t you?” It was a gauntlet, and I was throwing it down. 

Of course I forgot who I was challenging, those damn dimples and that smirk of his came out to play and I contemplated taking it back, but his reminder about how he faces his shit came rearing back to mind. “You wanna play doctor with me?” 

I shook my head and clicked my pen to life, opening up the chart. “I don’t have to PLAY doctor, Negan. I AM a doctor.” I started asking him all the same questions that he would have been asked before the world went to shit. Once the chart was filled out, I moved closer and had to stop from rolling my eyes at how eager he looked. “I have to listen to your heart, lungs, and stomach, Negan. This isn’t sexual.” 

I readied my stethoscope and felt my mouth go dry when he pulled off his shirts. For how thin he looked, his body wasn’t ravaged by it, rather he looked mouthwateringly hot. Fuck. I shook myself and warmed the chest piece in my hand after putting the earpieces in place. First the heart, he was still and quiet as I listened to the strong pounding of his heart. No skips, no hiccups, perfect. 

The lungs were next, telling him to inhale, and smiling when he didn’t do so dramatically like both children and adults tended to, I was happy to hear clarity rather than anything to cause concern. With the deepness of his voice, I worried about a smoker’s past, which would lead to fears of lung issues. 

His stomach sounded as healthy as the rest of him and I pulled my stethoscope free of my ears and was about to tell him he could redress, when my eyes landed on his neck. Wrapping my most utilized piece of equipment around my neck without thinking about it, my fingers reached out to trace the puckered scar lining the front of his throat. 

“Do I want to know what happened that earned you this?” I asked, turning his head to see how far the scar reached, and taking note that it was clearly taken care of in a professional way. Either pre-shitshow, or post, but clearly he had had access to someone with medical training. 

He sighed, and I waited. “My fall,” I swallowed down a feeling of fear, his repeated insistences that we were the same, but it wasn’t permanent. “I got distracted during a fight, he took advantage.” 

“You had a doctor?” He flinched and I pulled away, but his hands reached out and took mine, seeming to need the comfort. “What, Negan?”

Another huff of breath. Before he could tell me, the bell on the clinic door chimed and a voice called out telling me that my first appointment had arrived. 

Negan learned how to sanitize the rooms for me between visits and before my trainees showed up. It wasn’t urgent, but he clearly wanted to be useful, so I happily let him have at it. He watched me with the checkups, and with the patients who had colds or who were worried that they were getting sick. He saw how I was careful with our medications, but also how I made sure that people were taken care of, and he asked intelligent questions between patients.

“Obviously this is the ONE job that if you get sick, no one can just step in,” we were at my desk with lunch that I’d asked him to grab for us from the cafeteria. 

I shrugged. “We have a married couple who were EMTs, they owned their own company actually before-” I understood what he meant and it was something that worried me. “I want to up the training of the trainees. The issue is that Joe and Raine like having the evening shift and they want me to have a part in the training, if I do that, then I’m NOT spending half my day doing the other half of my duties.”

“Running this place,” he nodded. I had to admit, it was nice discussing the situation with someone who seemed to understand what I was dealing with in juggling duties. “And I’m guessing book learning wouldn’t fucking do much for the trainees.”

I snorted and pushed my plate toward him. He shook his head, but took it. “There’s a reason that part of getting your MD is a residency.” Hands on was so damn important, hell, I wasn’t even sure if I COULD teach it. “I’m bored most of the time, during the other half of the day, I won’t lie. But I know, as soon as I start with the training-”

“All hell is gonna break the fuck loose?” I nodded. “Yeah, tends to go that way, doesn’t it?” 

By the time I finished, I was feeling the effects of the shitty night of sleep that I had. Coupled with the knowledge that I still had a sit down with Mimi AND another with the three amigos, well I was feeling like I’d love a nice long hot bath and a longer nap, but I couldn’t. So goes the life of a leader. First I chose to do the less of the two evils.

“John, Greg, and Max, could you meet me in my office in half an hour?” I was back in my more plush office in the main building, Negan seated on the other side of my desk looking far too relaxed for a man who just arrived, but I was far too tired to give a shit. “Ugh.” I rolled my shoulders as I tried to get comfortable in the comfy chair after putting the walkie away. 

“You look fucking exhausted, Megan.” Negan was studying me and I rolled my eyes. Asshole, all his fault. “Let me.” He stood up and moved behind my chair, his long fingers started kneading my neck and shoulders and I think I fucking purred as my eyes drifted closed from the feeling he was creating. “Yeah, you’re tense and fucking tired.” 

“I blame you,” it slipped out, and I blame him for that too. Working my knots out made my lips loose. “You can’t sleep in a new fucking place, I don’t sleep great after-”

“After a kiss like that?” His breath was hot on the side of my neck and I bit my lip. “Just think if you’d let me get into your bed, Megan.” His lips were ghosting my skin and I was having issues catching my breath. “Every man, woman, and child-”

“What?” It came from the door, and my eyes flashed open to see John standing in the doorway staring at Negan, his hands still on my shoulders, and his mouth close to my ear. “Every man, woman, and child does what?” 

FUCK.


	8. A Push Too Far...

John was standing in the doorway, waiting for an explanation apparently, when his fellow advisors joined him. Greg and Max’s arrival brought a sigh to the surface and more tension built into my shoulders, which Negan could feel since he hadn’t felt the need to remove his hands. 

“You’re all early,” I offered, shaking my head, and nodding to the chairs in front of my desk, knowing that one would be relegated to standing unless they were proactive and grabbed a chair before coming up. “We have an elephant in the room to discuss.” I felt Negan’s chuckle, since he was still kneading my shoulders, but his breath and heat wasn’t reeking havoc as hard once he stood up and positioned himself behind my chair. 

John chose to stand, which I would have bet on had I had all my faculties in the game. Max and Greg took the chairs, feigning a relaxed air that would work on anyone without decent vision. Silence descended and I took a breath.

“Negan is staying, as you no doubt realized when you brought up his supplies yesterday.” Three heads showed various signs of agreement. “He’s shadowing me, for now, but over the next few days he’ll do the rounds, just like everyone else.” 

“Everyone else doesn’t get to spend the night in your room.” John offered, eyes locked on mine when I focused on him. I wasn’t completely surprised he noticed, I was more surprised he hadn’t raised an alarm and had the other two beating down my door to ‘rescue me’. “What’s his real role, Megan?”

“Whatever I pick, John.” I didn’t drop my gaze, daring him to push me. He was wearing on my nerves, pushing a little too much for more input and he should learn to know when to back down. He didn’t drop his stare from mine, and the quiet grew, even Negan stayed mum. 

“Is he joining the advisors?” It was Max, clearly uncomfortable as John seemed to be daring me to do something, but he wasn’t willing to ask what. 

Negan, seeing his opening took it. “I want to, oh, man do I fucking want to.” I was still locked on John, whose nostrils seemed to be flaring like an angry bull. “I’m smart enough to know it’s up to the good doctor here,” his fingers tightened on my shoulders, kneading the knots that seemed to reform as soon as he relaxed them. 

“He’s been here for twenty four fucking hours,” John seethed, finally breaking the battle of wills. “And you’re like a fucking cat with a new toy.” 

I sat back in my chair and stared up at the tall man who was leaning against the wall vibrating like he was preparing for battle and I realized that I wasn’t bored anymore. If John wanted a fight, he should know me well enough to know I was more than prepared to take him on. 

“Are you insinuating that I am somehow leading with my pussy, John?” My hands were resting on my desk, the crowbar across the top, but I showed no signs of reaching for it. “That somehow the fact that Negan crossed the wing to my room without the three of you bothering to ask why, that he slept on the sofa so one of your eager asses wouldn’t do something stupid to irritate me is somehow improper?” He wasn’t backing down and I could almost see his end, the spill of his blood on the carpet of my office, and I really wanted it. “You’ve been growing tiresome for some time now, John. And you know, I don’t lead by might or because I demand it, you could always man up and challenge me.” I smirked. “You know, instead of trying to fuck your way to the top.” 

He roared and was off the wall, but before my hand could touch my weapon, his blood was splattered across Max and Greg, brain matter coating them like confetti and John wasn’t an issue to deal with anymore. I sighed. 

“Really?!” I turned my head and Negan had my crowbar in hand, wielding it like a ball bat and grinning. “I wanted to do that.” 

His eyes met mine, and as his dimples deepened I realized that he was right about some of our similarities. Because I honestly was jealous that he got to take out John, after the pouting, whining, demanding I felt like I’d earned it, but he looked like he enjoyed it as much as I’d been hoping to. 

“Clean up the mess,” I told Max and Greg, shaking my head at the gore. “This didn’t have to happen, and I’ll understand if the two of you would like to take some time to discuss returning to-”

“Gen pop?” Negan offered, studying my weapon with interest. “I’m pretty sure I can take care of it from here, boys.” 

I vacated my office, with Negan beside me, my weapon in MY hand while Max and Greg cleaned it free of John. Mimi had requested a sit down, and honestly I fucking needed a cup of tea. And a minute alone, or at least away from my present shadow.


	9. One Down...

Down the stairs, on our way to the cafeteria with Negan beside me I was thinking about what happened in my office. John had been added to the current advisors last, endearing himself to me by aiding Greg and Max with a few slightly sensitive situations that had risen during the past few months. He had been quick and willing to do whatever I asked of him, at first, but slowly started to question the status quo.

While he was tall, dark and very very handsome with a body that was a tempting playground, having to go from the occasional reminder about just who was in charge to a near constant repetition of it was becoming as boring as everything else in my life. His insistence that HE should be able to sleep in my bed nightly, that he should be able to be by my side at all times, it had become a pounding drum in my head. 

One down, two to go, I thought. A sigh building even as the tension started returning to my body. When had it started getting less relaxing to have variety in the bedroom, office, or wherever I chose to take it? It had worked so well from the moment I took the reins from the dean and president of the school. A few here and there, to take the edge off of the responsibilities of leading and keeping everyone healthy and safe. 

First there had been Michael and Aaron. Two professors, Michael taught biology and Aaron creative writing, we worked together to keep sane in the beginning. Building on the agricultural focus that the school already had, working to figure out the best way to assure the fencing would hold, the guarding would work. Justin came along, a history buff who understood strategy better than anyone I’d ever met and he added his own expertise. 

Intelligence AND sexual attraction, that was my first round of advisors. Men who actually fit the definition of the word. Michael had met his wife, a woman who came in with two small children and I’d known as soon as I saw his eyes lock on hers that he had fallen hard, and I happily parted with him as friends. He was a member of the council that met bimonthly, the entire community could come, but they voted members onto the board. Aaron, our resident poet and record keeper, had found love with Eric. Which surprised everyone more than me, to be honest. Justin died on a run he insisted he go on, to be certain the runners stayed on task, and the loss was felt still. 

I’d never been able to replicate that trio. Whether I had less or more, no one had ever managed to actually give me the same backup or the same advice. At some point I realized that I had better advisors on the council and the term “advisors” where my playmates were concerned was a misnomer. I was having a come to Jesus moment, I knew, a reality check. All because of the asshole walking beside me.

“Hey,” his voice broke into my inner monologue, and I flinched, but managed to focus on him. “Could we-” He pulled me into an empty office and then his mouth was on mine. He pressed my back into the wall, his body tight against mine, the crowbar fell from my hands as my fingers slid up his neck. His tongue was tasting my mouth and I was on my tiptoes so I could maintain the connection while his hands were clutching my hips. Tension? I was feeling an entirely NEW feeling and it wasn’t the same thing at all. 

He finally broke the kiss when we both needed more air, but he didn’t pull away, not further than he had to. Foreheads against one another’s, my eyes opened to meet his. “I think it’s a bit early to say ‘goodnight’.” It came out breathless, but his chuckle sounded labored too so I wasn’t alone.

“I needed to taste you,” his nose brushed mine, while his voice stayed quiet. “All fucking day all I wanted to do is fucking taste your mouth again, Megan. And after that scene in your office,” he moaned and I sighed. 

“You’re stopping me from facing my shit, Negan.” I needed a breather, from him and the ‘scene’ in the office. Mimi, tea, and- shit I don’t know, tea leaves telling me what to fucking do next. “Here,” I pulled away from him and knelt to pick up my weapon and hand it to him. “Before I go see Mimi, I’m going to introduce you to someone, take this and clean it up.”

He grinned, those dimples of his teasing me. “Yeah, I guess I did make a mess of it, didn’t I?” He took it from me and bit his lip. “You gonna start avoiding me like you avoided Mimi this morning?” 

I rolled my eyes and opened the door of the office he’d pulled me into that I hadn’t noticed he closed. “I wasn’t avoiding her,” I explained, leaving the administration building and walking toward our goal. “I simply have a schedule, Negan, and it’s time you learned the rest of what we do here.” 

Ian was our resident greeter. When I said we all did everything, or at least we COULD do every job, I meant it. That didn’t mean that some people aren’t exceptionally better suited for certain shit than others. Take Ian. Ian was the very first person I met when I arrived on the campus as the MD who was supposed to promote the idea that a community college grad could pursue a medical degree. And he hadn’t, through the shit show that went on from that day to the present, changed his hospitable presence.

“Megan!” The ginger giant beckoned as I opened the door to the office off the library. “I thought I’d be seeing you soon.” He wasn’t speaking to me any longer, and his eyes weren’t locked on me either. “You must be our newest resident.” Moving from behind his desk, where he was probably rehearsing for this very moment before we got to him, he held out his huge fucking hand. “I’m Ian McGregor, and you are?”

Everyone had seen Negan’s arrival, let’s say, so Ian’s greeting was less than honest, but that’s Ian. He likes to pretend that we still live in a world where gentle manners and etiquette count. Negan, for his part, took the large man’s hand and offered his name along with gratitude for the welcome. 

“Ian,” I drew the attention back to me and smiled. “Mimi is requesting my presence,” Ian’s eyes flicked to Negan and his own smile widened, dear God. “Could you do the honors of starting Negan out?” 

“Of course, Megan,” I nearly rolled my eyes at the production he forced out of me. “You’d better get going, Mimi will send a search party if you’re late to tea.” Fucking kill me. “I’ll make sure Negan is all set up and raring to go.” 

“I’m sure you will.” I shook my head and said my goodbyes, with a look that I hoped Negan understood that meant we could talk more later. And with a resigned sigh, I walked out of the library and toward the cafeteria hoping the fucking tea leaves had some answers, and baring them, Mimi had some wisdom.


	10. Tea Time and Confession Time

Mimi was waiting, as I knew she would be, when I walked into the office off the kitchen. She’d been the one of the house mothers on sorority row and when the world went to shit, she took charge like only someone who corralled a bunch of Greeks could. Mildred Mancuso was the perfect blend of maternal and no nonsense that I counted her as one of my very best friends. She knew that she could say damn near anything to me, and she utilized that freedom often. 

I always loved seeing newcomers discover the many facets of the long term residents of Survivors U as I called it. Mimi was always a favorite to watch them come to terms with understanding. At first they seemed awed by her soft kindness. Her caretaking, with the urge to make sure they ate enough, coupled by the fact that she looked strikingly like Ms. Garrett from The Facts of Life always put them at ease. After spending a day or so with Ian, depending on how long Ian deemed necessary for their “orientation”, they’d start to see that Mimi while definitely maternal wasn’t a soft touch. 

I’d watched so many newbies fall into the delusion that Mimi was like their elderly grandma, even if she wasn’t nearly that old, who would let them get away with fucking murder or taking more than their fair share coupled with being lazy as fuck and she’d pat them on the heads and call them sweet children. What they got was a thin lipped mother who was waiting after you were out after curfew, coming in drunk, with half your clothes on inside out or backwards.

“Drop him off at Ian’s?” She greeted me, a cup of tea waiting along with her famous “kitchen sink” cookies. I rolled my eyes and she laughed. “It’s not like you don’t have a routine, Meg.” 

“I know,” I groaned, taking my seat and then let out another long sigh. “I’m bored, Mimi. Or I’m boring, one or the other.”

She snorted, shaking her head and gesturing at my cup that was still steaming. “Drink the tea before it’s cold.” I took the cup in hand and took a sip to appease her. “You know damn well you are NOT boring. You’re just in a rut. Which is pretty damn hilarious given those three- well two ADVISORS you keep on hand.” I should have known that word was out already about John. “Max was bitching about the mess. Greg was whiny about getting John out of his ears.” 

I chuckled. Dear God, that should horrify me, but it didn’t. “Yeah, well, he earned that end.” I told her what happened, in case the dynamic duo left the facts out. “Negan reacted faster than I thought possible.” 

“He reacted like you do.” There it was, another fucking reminder of how alike we are, damnit. “He’s pretty damn attractive, isn’t he?” I took a LONG sip from my cup, hoping for a blister or three to keep from answering. “Megan, you know what I think about these playmates you keep around.” 

Another sigh built and I set my cup down and reached for a cookie. She didn’t smack my hand so I figured I was allowed at least one, because yes, she would deny me a cookie if she was pissed at me. “Is it really so damn bad that I want diversions from my responsibilities sometimes, Mimi?” I bit into my cookie and waited for her sage and judgemental advice. 

“You don’t want diversions. You want sex without strings,” she pulled the cookie plate out of my reach and I knew I had the ONE and ONLY cookie I’d be getting for my visit. “Even if you don’t want a family of your own, Megan, you need a partner. Someone you can actually TALK to, discuss what you worry about and the damn boredom you feel.” 

I swallowed my bite of cookie, deciding that if I was going to be rationed I’d savor it. “I talk to you,” ha, take that. “You’re not my type for the slap and tickle times, so this is perfect, Mimi, I can compartmentalize.” 

She rolled her eyes so hard that I was impressed. “You are so damn stubborn that I don’t know why I bother half the time.” She sighed and took my free hand in both of hers. “Megan Janson, a partner, a TRUE partner is someone you can have ALL of that with-including the slap and tickle. No need to compartmentalize, because that’s weird.” 

“And just who, sage Mimi Mancuso, am I supposed to choose for this partnership?” I knew, somehow that I was asking her to make up my mind for me, because honest to God I wanted to pass the damn buck. 

I was back in my rooms, waiting for the inevitable knock to come as darkness fell. Dinner had come and gone, which I’d taken in my rooms preferring to eat alone and in peace after the LONG as fuck day I’d had. I hadn’t asked to speak to Greg or Max. I hadn’t asked for Ian to check in with me to let me know how our newest resident was doing. All I wanted was a little down time to process everything that Mimi had handed me and to deal with my own shit.

And I napped. I was fucking tired after the lack of sleep and then the shitty version of sleep that I managed. So I napped, on the sofa, using the pillow and blanket I’d given Negan the night before because it was still there, NOT because it smelled like him. That would be ridiculous.

I was sitting curled up on the sofa, wearing soft pajamas and reading a book when it finally came. The knock. Calling out that the door was unlocked, it opened with a whistle and he walked inside, looking for all the world like he did it every single day. 

“Don’t you look like a fucking vision.” He stood behind the chairs, biting his lip and holding my thoroughly clean crowbar. “May I?” I nodded as he gestured to the chair in front of my seat. 

“Did Ian show you around?” I knew that Ian changed the tour based on the person he was giving it to, so I didn’t ask anything specific. 

Negan was grinning as he sat my weapon down carefully on the coffee table between us. “Ian is pretty interesting.” That he is, I found myself grinning in answer. “Yeah, he showed me the ropes. Took me through most of the work buildings. The jobs are pretty self explanatory.” 

“What’s the point of getting too damn technical?” I put my bookmark in place and set my book down beside my crowbar. “Any job look more interesting to you than the others?”

His smile grew as he leaned forward and licked his lips. “I told you, Megan, I want to be your advisor.” 

I shook my head. “And I told you, people don’t breach our borders and get invited into my bed.” 

“People don’t, but I think I should.” He countered. “I want you. And I’m pretty fucking single minded when I want something, Megan.”

“You lost everything once, Negan.” He flinched and I wondered just how fucking much he really did lose. “It wasn’t just the power, was it?”

“My people,” his voice was hushed, his eyes tight. “I made some shitty decisions and my people made some of their own when I fell in my name. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.” 

“What kind of shitty decisions? What do you regret, Negan?” I was curious. He kept telling me how alike we were, I wanted to know how bad he thought I might be.

He sat back and sighed, clearly hoping for a different conversation when he arrived. “In the clinic earlier,” I thought of his flinch when I mentioned a doctor and nodded. “I ruled over a group I called the Saviors. We lived in a place called the Sanctuary. We had a doctor, medicine, stockpiles of shit we found on runs and shit we got through tributes from other communities.” 

“Tributes?” I raised an eyebrow. “You mean you shook down other communities, mob style?” 

He shook his head, and huffed out a breath. “I considered it payment for our aid in keeping them safe.” Just like the insurance that mob bosses asked for businesses to give them, I thought, but didn’t interrupt him. “I reigned with a heavy hand.” His hand, I noticed, was clenched on the arm of the chair. “The wives, MY wives, were women I took from men I wanted to keep in line. Or they were women who offered themselves because they liked the perks, no points, nice clothes, no working.” I nodded, feeling sick. “They had ONE rule to follow. Complete loyalty-to ME. If I found out they cheated, then there would be punishment.”

“How-” I realized that was the wrong question. “What?”

“A hot iron,” my stomach flipped, thinking about a hot iron and what he might have done with it. “To the man they fucked’s face.” I swallowed down the urge to vomit at the thought of the smell of burning flesh. “When one of my wives escaped, along with a prisoner- I punished the doctor who I thought helped them.”

“You maimed people.” It came out hushed, but resigned. We were in a shitshow, what the fuck was I supposed to do with this information? 

“I did more than that, Megan. I threw the doctor into the furnace.” Shit. “Alive.” Fuck. “When I fell, when I spent years under lock and key, I earned it.”

“You were a prisoner?” And I invited his fucking ass in, gave him a tour and set him up in a room close by. Shit, maybe John wasn’t all that fucking wrong. 

He nodded. “I earned my release, my redemption, Megan.” He was leaning forward again, elbows on his knees and he looked as tired as I’d felt all damn day. “The people who won, who beat me, they gave me a task and I did it.”

“What was it?” Color me fucking curious. 

“Another group, more dangerous than my people ever were, wanted a war.” I nodded, I knew that outside of our gates and fences, the world was community against community. Many had come to us asking for aid against one another. We, I insisted, were Switzerland. “I infiltrated the group and killed their leader.” He joined them and killed their leader, like he joined us- Fuck.

“I see.” I was surprised to hear how strong and easy my voice sounded. 

“I was granted freedom when their conflict ended, Megan, and I saw your group.” My eyes met his and I could see that he was trying to convince me that it wasn’t another situation like that one. “I don’t want to see you go through what I did, but seeing how you run things here, I’m not sure you will.”

“How do I know-” I stopped, suddenly feeling like the nap wasn’t nearly enough for this conversation. “I think you should go to your room.” 

“Megan,” he sighed, shaking his head. “I want to be fucking transparent with you, no secrets.”

“Which might have been great,” I offered, eyes shutting so I could think. “If you’d started yesterday.” 

“Let’s discuss this,” but I shook my head and he nodded. “OK, you sleep on it, and tomorrow, we’ll discuss it.” He was at the door before I had a chance to argue that I’d decide when we would discuss it. “Get some rest, Megan.”

He was gone, and I had a shit ton of bullshit to wade through before sleep would come. Again.


	11. Every Sinner Has A Future, Every Saint Has A Past...

If it were just me, I thought as I lay in bed that night, then what Negan had told me wouldn’t be such a head scratching shit storm of bullshit to have to contend with. It wasn’t just me, however, I didn’t make decisions JUST for me. Like I’d told John before he became a gruesome mess, I didn’t think with my vagina, even if I’d used cruder terms. 

Another night with shitty sleep, I realized as I lay awake contemplating what this new entity had confessed to me about his past. This time it wasn’t due to pent up sexual tension, oh no, this time it had to be all about his possible psychotic tendencies. What else could I consider what he’d described? 

A harem of women who were picked because of their partners, men who needed to be kept in line, through use of their women? A few who came along for the ‘perks’, which I gathered were freedom from his points system for supplies and who am I kidding, look at his ass- it wasn’t like having him available for sex would be a hardship if you were willing. 

The tributes, as he’d called them, having other communities forced to give his people half of their supplies for so called safety? The fuck? While I knew that the world beyond our gates and boundaries was fucking ridiculous, this was madness. It was absolutely fucking bonkers. We’d had a few stragglers, a few broken and frightened survivors from groups that had fallen to other larger groups- groups like Negan’s Saviors, integrated into our population. We weren’t soldiers, even if we had surplus weapons and trained to use them, a part of the tour that Negan wouldn’t have been given yet. Thank God. 

We’d had others, actual feelers or leaders of communities come to make peace or ask for aid. Switzerland, I said, and I meant it. We had what we needed, we gave what we could, but that didn’t include bodies to fight a war that wasn’t ours. Keeping our people safe, keeping our land safe, that was all we would do. Helping others with supplies, without causing undo pain or suffering on ourselves, we would do. Above and beyond that? No. Not while I was in charge. And I had been. For a very long time it felt like.

As for his idea of punishments? I agreed with him that wrongdoing had to have an answer and consequences, but maiming people? Killing people? Not for something as simple as infidelity. Disloyalty? A woman who didn’t want to be with him screwed someone she loved, I would bet money on that being the case, and so that man would bear the proof of it forever? That was a step too far. The doctor being cremated alive? I sighed as I considered John’s death, a death that I’d contemplated even as I’d had sex with the man. Was I any better on that front? Probably not. I wouldn’t even try to pretend otherwise, not even here in my own bed alone.

I drifted off, thoughts of whether Negan and I were alike or different, and how the fuck I was supposed to decide what do do about it.

I was with Ian, having lunch only days into my two week stay, when we heard the screaming. Alert as any physician who did a stint in an emergency room can be, I was on my feet and heading in the direction of the shouts with the ginger giant on my heels before either of us said a word. The chaos that met us was insane. Students couldn’t seem to decide which direction they wanted to go in, and they also couldn’t seem to choose whether running or gawking was the best choice either. 

Listening for a beat, I heard the screams rise up louder from the direction of the clinic, a place I’d been shown early on, since it was simpler for the interested students to meet me there or in Ian’s office than anywhere else on campus. Pushing through the bodies of the coeds, I forced my way to the clinic, hoping to see a cause for the screams that was an easy fix, but instead I saw the start of the end of the world as we all knew it.

No one would ever be able to say who was Patient Zero, if it had been the student with the chest cold that had turned viral to the point of pneumonia which then drowned them in their own fluids, or if it had been someone else. All I knew for sure when I opened the door, was that everyone was technically dead, yet strangely animated, and killing the required headshots, which was simpler than anyone might have assumed since they appeared more interested in eating- flesh and people, than actually taking stock of a human about to smack the shit out of their brain matter with a blunt object.

Within hours it had spread, or perhaps it had already been going wild and I’d been busy doing my fucking job, all I knew was that the student population started to dwindle quickly. Apparently trying to convince coeds to self isolate and quarantine goes about as well as telling toddlers to NOT eat crayons that smell like food. The dean and president of the school were making pitiful noises about how their hands were tied, but all I could see and hear was useless nonaction and excuses. Taking control, telling students who had vehicles and knowledge of their families’ whereabouts and safety to head home, while others who had nothing to go on to stay put, we managed to head off the stupidity at the pass.

Soon, I had Michael, Aaron, and Justin helping me along with Mimi. We managed to inventory what we had, corral our student body alongside the educators and people who kept the college running, and we figured shit out. Runs to find supplies, with maps of the areas surrounding us, stockpiling weapons, ammo, along with medication, shelf stable foods, we also ransacked libraries to get more information on how to keep self sustaining and growing. 

Our population grew, shrunk, and grew, like any other, I imagined. People still made stupid choices, they left because they thought something better might be beyond our gates or they died because they got stir crazy. We added to our population through births, people showing up and asking to be allowed to join us, or sometimes runners finding stragglers in deserted houses or towns. I kept them as healthy as I could, with Joe and Raine giving me as much aid as they could. I wanted to train more, but again, my time was spent putting out fires when it wasn’t spent staring at walls and wondering when the boredom would kill me dead. 

The sunlight woke me, the tension was so heavy in my body that I knew my day would run exactly like the day before, and I also knew that I had no fucking idea what to do about Negan.

On one hand, he was dangerous, that much he admitted to. On the other, I understood why he was, or had been. Every single one of us, once the world went batshit, made choices we might not have made before. I took an oath when I became a doctor, yet I hadn’t blinked when I bashed the brain out of my first walking, moaning, biting corpse. If Negan was still dangerous, in the way he had been, wouldn’t he have shown it by now? Or was he waiting for me to give him the keys to my kingdom to make his move?


	12. Too Damn Old For This Shit...

I hadn’t had this shitty of a sleep cycle since the first weeks of the world turning upside down. Before that? I think I had issues during my residency, but that was to be expected when you’re on call. 

My professional diagnosis: I’m too old for this shit.

Dragging ass out of bed, forcing myself to stand up for a shower, going through all the normal motions for my daily routine- for the first time since I took up the hot seat of leader, I really was tempted to just crawl right the fuck back into my bed and take a sick day. Let someone else lead and take over. Let someone else deal with the running of our tiny piece of our world. Fuck it, fuck everything, this shit was too hard.

I glared at myself in the mirror and had to fight down the urge to throw something at my reflection for being such a sad little bitch. Get over yourself, buck up, buttercup. 

Boots on, crowbar ready, hair braided, I headed to the cafeteria for breakfast, and since I was up early, a tiny chat with Mimi or at least a minute to schedule a longer one later.

I didn’t see Negan while I did my rounds at the clinic. I handled sniffles and checkups. I met with a few interested parties who wanted to learn the ways of the scalpel, and I handed off duties to Joe and Raine before walking back toward the cafeteria for my scheduled date with Mimi when I heard my name being called from across the Quad. Turning toward the sound, I smiled when I saw Michael waving at me. 

“Hey you,” I greeted, once he caught up to me. “How is it we rarely see each other when we live on a college campus?” 

He laughed, “you’re balls to the wall busy and I’m keeping up with toddlers and a committee that keeps trying to micromanage shit that doesn’t matter?” 

“That would do it,” I agreed, as he kept pace with me while I continued on to my meeting with Mimi. “Is this a casual catch up, or are you planning on bending my ear for a purpose?” 

Hip checking me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders. “The new guy, Negan?” I grunted, with a hint of a sigh. “What’s with the grunt, Meg?” 

“Having sleep issues, Mike,” I offered, hoping he’d move along with the Negan questioning. “What about Negan?”

“Seems like he has some insight into what’s going on further out than we usually run,” I shrugged, thinking about just how much insight he had. “He got rid of John, I told you he was bad news.” Yeah, yeah, get that told you so out of the way, buddy. “I’m just saying, Meg, he seems like he might be a source of information that might come in useful.”

“Useful for what?” I stopped, the door to the cafeteria within reach, but far enough away so we aren’t blocking anything. “We don’t get involved in other groups’ shit, Mike, you know that.” 

“Sooner or later, Meg, that shit is going to roll up into us, you and I both know that.” I sighed, we’d gone rounds about this over and over. “Being prepared isn’t a bad idea.”

“Do we have to court disaster?” I stared up at him, wishing so badly for SOMEONE to tell me what to do, and mean it. “What does that committee have to say?”

It was Michael’s turn to groan. “You know how that goes, Megan. You can’t get those assholes to agree to anything with a majority. You could come to more meetings and tie break.” I’d rather stick dull spoons in my eyes over and over. “Something has to give, we have to make a plan for the worst case scenario.” 

“Come up with a plan, Mike,” I sighed, thinking it over. “Have Negan help, and I’ll come to the meeting that you bring it up, how about that?” 

“That’s a start.” He agreed, hugging me. “Get some rest, you look like you’re ready to fall over.” Cause I am, fucker. He let me go and I went into the cafeteria to meet with Mimi, and hoped beyond hope that she’d help me figure this shit out better than I could on my own.

“So Negan came to you and told you about his past, warts and all,” she was repeating back to me, for once not being stingy with the cookies. Maybe looking like death walking meant I got more treats, I’d keep that in mind. I nodded. “And you’re thinking that he hasn’t- What, Megan? Learned from it?” 

I considered how Negan had told me what he’d done, who he’d been. “I watched him kill John without an ounce of thought, Mimi.” She rolled her eyes and I knew that was a weak point, since I would have probably done it too. “He was basically a mobster, and he ironed people’s faces when they did things he deemed worthy the punishment.” I put the cookie I’d planned on eating down. “He burned a doctor alive.” 

“He did what he thought he had to to keep his people in line and on course.” Mimi was pragmatic, she was no nonsense and she looked at things through the filter of where and when shit happened. “Is he telling you to implement these practices here?”

“No,” I admitted. “He isn’t, he said he wanted me to know what happened when he fell.” 

“He wants you and us to succeed, Megan,” Mimi sighed, and took both my hands in hers. “Quit looking for reasons to push him out. I think you’re freaked out because he keeps holding up a mirror and you keep seeing yourself in him.” Damn it. 

“I’m exhausted,” I stood up, pulling my hands free and feeling no more certain about Negan or my place in this mess than before. “I need to get some rest.”

“Go upstairs and have a nap,” Mimi pushed me toward the door. “Take the walkie, and I’ll call up if you’re needed. Rest, Megan, you’re no good to anyone if you’re sick or too tired.”


	13. Worst Case to Best Case Scenario?

I woke up groggy and disoriented in the dark of my room. Why I woke up wasn’t immediately apparent, but something woke me. I lay curled on my side, trying to force my senses to work together to get me up to speed. I’d come to my rooms, turned on the walkie, which was silent as a tomb still - so that wasn’t the source of my semi-alertness, and tucked myself into my bed. I was warm, a little warmer than usual actually, and when had I moved the pillow -

“HEY!” I kicked my leg back, connecting with a kneecap and pulling away from the arms that had been wrapped around me as if I were some kind of fucking teddy bear. I heard his groan and smirked, but then my eyes went wide. “How the fuck did you get in here?” I rolled over, knowing exactly who was grabbing for his wounded knee in the dark as he grumbled about insane midget women and their kick happy asses. 

“You left the door unlocked,” Negan muttered, blinking against the light of the lamp I turned on the side of the bed I was on. “Did you have to kneecap me?” 

“Who invited you to my bed?” I asked, propping myself up against the headboard and looking down at the man who’d cost me TWO nights’ worth of sleep. “You’re lucky I kicked your knee and not your balls.” 

“Aw, Megan, if you kicked me in the balls,” his voice had gone an octave lower and I cursed the fluttering it caused in my stomach. “Then you’d ruin my plans for later.”

I shook my head as my stomach growled. “I hope your plans include dinner, Negan.” His lips curled in a smile and I had to take a beat to appreciate how much it changed his features. Softened him, made him look almost - No, not now, Satan. “I’m starving.” I started to get up, but his hand landed on my arm and I stopped moving. 

“Come here, just for a sec,” I rolled over, shifting so my head was on my pillow and we were facing one another. “Is it really so bad that I was in your bed when you woke up?” 

His fingers were brushing my hair from my face, and I considered what bothered me most about waking up with anyone in my bed. “I don’t like waking up to someone I didn’t invite inside, Negan.” He nodded, his thumb ghosting my lower lip. “It spooked me more because it was dark, you’re hot as a furnace, and I didn’t remember leaving the door unlocked.” 

“If I’d woken you up, even though you looked absolutely peaceful sleeping, would you have let me stay?” I didn’t say anything, but he didn’t really wait for an answer, his face closing in on mine and then our lips met and unlike the hunger that hit after John’s demise, or the goodnight kiss that seemed to hit us both like a freight train, this one was slow and easy. We took our time and we tempted one another. When he pulled away, our eyes were searching for one another’s and I guessed he saw his answer, even if I wasn’t entirely sure of it myself. “Let’s go get something to eat. Then bedtime, Megan.” The way he said it made me wonder if he meant sleep, or just time for bed?

Dinner wasn’t tense, even if a part of me felt like it should have been. Negan sat across from me and watched as the younger members of our community came to show me their progress in what they were learning, or to tell me what was going on in their tiny worlds. He listened and studied my interactions with the adults who came by to run ideas past me, seeing what decisions I made on my own versus which ones I sent to the committee. I squinted as I realized that there were two among the crowd that I expected to see and hear from that hadn’t made themselves known.

“Looking for Max and Greg?” My eyes met his across the table and he smirked. “Told you they’d end up back in the general population.” He nodded his head toward a table in the corner that was tucked a little further out of my sightline. “Seems they found a few girls to fill their days with.” He was correct, there were my former advisors, and they were quite affectionate with a few of our eligible women. 

I shrugged. “One less thing,” I shook my head, “TWO less things to worry about.” Although, seeing the two of them reminded me of my chat with Michael. “I spoke with a former advisor.” Negan nodded for me to go on as he ate. “He’s on the council, or committee, depending on which of our people you talk to. He wants to work up a ‘worst case scenario’ plan and he thinks you might be an asset to it.” He didn’t say anything, just listened so I continued. “Michael thinks that, while I plan on staying firmly out of every other group’s issues, that one day those issues are going to land on our doorstep.” Negan’s eyes tightened slightly and I figured he understood and agreed. “He thinks that your expertise would come in handy to not only make the plan, but present it to the committee.” 

“You can’t just implement it?” I shook my head. “Big decisions, ones that truly impact the entire group you want them to have a say in?” A nod. “The only issue with that, Megan, is that even if you don’t order it, your ass is still the one on the line for it. When push comes to shove, it’s your ass, or neck that takes the hit, not the group’s.” 

I understood he was speaking from experience. “I know, but this isn’t something I want to budge on. I plan on sticking to the idea that we're Switzerland, we’ll give aid, but won’t fight.” I wouldn’t lose lives for someone else’s war. He nodded, thinking.

“OK, I’ll do whatever you ask me to. If working with Michael was it?” I smiled and nodded. “Then I’ll work with Michael on a plan.” 

Negan walked me back to my rooms and then he came inside with me. I had options, I knew that as well as I knew that I knew my own name, but honestly - I wanted him. 

He took the time to turn the lock on my door and then he was back in front of me. “Bedtime, Megan.” 

Jesus, how the hell did his voice do that - drop low enough to make me want to glance down to make sure my pants didn’t follow? He was biting his lower lip and damned if I didn’t want to do it for him, but before I could tell him that, he scooped me into his arms and started for my bedroom, forcing a noise from me that I’m not sure I’d ever made.

“What are you doing?” I laughed, thinking he was taking the romance a touch too far, but he leaned in, letting his nose slide along my jaw and the urge to chuckle stopped along with my ability to breathe easily. 

“Getting you to bed faster,” seriously, dark and low, and hot his voice and breath were dark, low, and HOT. “I don’t mind keeping pace with you any fucking time, Megan, but right now-” No arguments there, I thought, eyes closing at the knowledge that he’d gotten us right where we both clearly wanted to be in record time. 

When Negan put me down, it wasn’t on my feet by the bed, instead he’d put me ON the bed. I made quick work of my boots, not wanting to get dirt on the sheets and ruin a good time, and then I was on my knees, helping him get rid of his layers. “Seem a little impatient, Megan.” He didn’t sound as smug or mocking, and I bit my lip when I heard him swallow hard. Jacket, shirts, bare skin finally, and I was leaning forward to press my face against his neck to breathe him in. The scent of him, our soap, and the slight musk of Negan underneath had my smile curving against his skin. My fingers were busy at his waist, unfastening his pants, opening his final barriers to my touch even as he suddenly realized he’d been rendered statue-like by my momentum. 

“You have some catching up to do, Negan,” I reminded him, as his fingers worked to bare my body to his own touch. While he worked, I tasted his neck, feasted on his chest, and worked down to free him from those pesky pants of his. 

It wasn’t graceful, our full disrobing, with him nearly falling over as he kicked his boots and pants free from his feet or when I got tangled in my shirts and hair, but laughter always goes hand in hand with good sex. Or it did this time, because as soon as Negan was chuckling and on top of me, I was laughing and wrapping my arms around him, and it felt right. And then he slid inside of me, and it felt fucking amazing. 

Negan held me as we drifted to sleep, I was too tired to enforce my rule of always sleeping alone, I told myself. My head tucked under his chin, his heart beating a steady rhythm that lulled me into a dreamless sleep, and his warmth and strength keeping me rested all night.


	14. Bare Bones...

If waking up in the dark with a warm body pressed against me and arms wrapped around me was disorienting, then waking up in the predawn with our naked limbs entwined, his face pressed into my bare shoulder was even more so, at least for the first couple beats. Negan must have felt my body tense, because his hold relaxed, his lips brushing against my skin, and his voice, quiet and low, reminding me it was him - invited and wanted this time. His calloused fingertips were like butterfly wings on my bare skin, but still managing to stoke the embers of lust we’d sated the night before back to a flickering flame.

Turning in his arms, smiling at the sound of his low moan at the feeling of our skin sliding against one another, I found myself wishing for the dawn to crest faster so I could see his face better than the dimness of the room allowed. His face drew closer, nose brushing mine, and then his scruff was teasing my cheek as his lips found mine. 

Slow and soft, I melted into the feeling of Negan’s arms and mouth, ignoring the contrast of how this wake up felt versus the image he’d painted of the leader he’d been over his own people. When his body turned into mine, the only natural reaction being for me to move onto my back, I smiled against his mouth while his hips arched into mine, sliding so effortlessly into me, joining us again, without the laughter this time. 

While last night had been hunger and humor, in the pre-morning quiet we took our time to appreciate every inch, every sigh, every tiny noise, twitch, arch, flex, nip, lick, and moan. I knew, and I was more than certain that Negan was aware of it as well, that once our day really began, reality would creep back in and with it, so would the truth of his past and the decisions I’d made about just what he’d have to do with that information.

We managed to dress, even with the temptation of touching and tasting one another during a shared shower, and groom ourselves for the day. Clothes on, hair brushed and braided in my case, boots secured, and we were on our way to breakfast. He came with me to the clinic, coffee in hand for him, while I carried my usual fresh juice and water. 

As we sat at my desk and ate our breakfast, I explained what he’d have to do to take the spot he so clearly wanted at my side. A spot that Mimi seemed just as certain that he was destined to hold, but that I was also pretty sure his past would pop up to make more than uncomfortable if Michael’s foreshadowing “Worst Case Scenario” idea came to fruition. 

“You’re going to have to confess all, Negan,” I told him, sighing as I finished my biscuit. “At a council meeting, before you and Michael decide to run your plans across them for a vote.”

He huffed out his own breath, less a sigh and more with a sort of stoic resignation, as if he knew it was coming. “Yeah, I’d been thinking along those lines.” He chewed a bite of his own biscuit and contemplated what he’d told me, or perhaps what he’d be telling my people, or hell maybe he was thinking about how fucking amazing the preserves that Mimi and her staff put up each year tasted. “Seems like every time things are going good, something comes along to fuck it all up, so I’d better bare my soul before the fucking skeletons in my closet show up at the gates.” 

I felt a shiver run up my spin and uncurl through my veins. “Do you have a lot of skeletons that could do that?” Our eyes met and I could see how tight his looked and felt a twist far removed from the lust that was becoming normal when our eyes met hit me in the stomach. “How many?” 

“Enough to make this confession necessary sooner rather than later.” I nodded, thinking that I’d send him to Ian so they could meet up with Aaron and Michael to do the scheduling while I did my clinic hours. “I won’t hold back, Megan,” he assured me, and something told me he wasn’t just promising me, he was warning me.


End file.
